Before Your Love
by JAGfreak
Summary: The new song by Kelly Clarkson causes Mac to re-evaluate her feelings for Harm and take the chance that he feels the same way. Reviews are needed! This is my very first fanfic(was wrote before "the things I couldn't Say")..so go easy on me! lol.


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Title:"Before Your Love"

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Author:Ashlee(aka* JAGfreak)

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Email: TheAshleeGirl@aol.com

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Rating: PG, PG-13ish

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Classification:Shipper plot

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Spoilers:Lifeline,Boomerang II

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Property of: I wish I could say I owned these characters, but that would be a lie..

Donal P. Bellisario along with paramount and Bellisarius productions are the lucky ones.

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Summary: Mac hears a song on the radio that makes her confront her feelings about Harm and take decisive action.

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Archives: it's welcomed, just let me know.

Feedback: IS NEEDED! Poisitive or negative is appreciated....................

but please go easy on me...it's my first ever fanfic and was done on the go! : )

Somewhere in DC:

Mac drummed the steering wheel with her fingers thinking over everything that had happened the last few months. She didn't know why she was driving around D.C. in the pouring down rain at exactly 10:07 at night, but she had been for quite some time.

She felt it a way of escape, because going back to her apartment meant she would have to face the fact that she was alone. She hated being alone. heck, she almost married Brumby just to have someone. That's not fair....she scolded herself gently...I loved him.....just not enough....._not the way I loved someone else_. "pull it together marine." Mac again scolded herself. Recently, her thoughts had been turning on her, telling her heart things.....she'd never dare express.

A couple weeks ago, Mic had left for good. He said he thought there was something going on between me and Harm . _I only wish there was._ How do I stop these thoughts?

Harm doesn't feel the same way about me. He has Renee, I thought with Mic being out of the picture we might have a chance....but I was wrong. An unshed tear slipped down her cheek as she quickly brushed it away. That night on the ferry, I felt my heart was breaking when he said he couldn't let go. In the meanwhile, what was I supposed to do? In ways I think Harm is to blame for everything with Brumby...but then I know that's not fair. I accepted Mic's ring practically right after that night. I thought maybe it would make Harm realize he had better let go fast or he would lose me, I thought maybe he would chase after me if he really cared. And I'm not sure that's fair either. 

My head is spinning, I can't concentrate on the road and the tears start to make it almost impossible to drive. I wipe my tears away and turn on the radio. An announcers voice came on "we're bringing you the latest from kelly Clarkson..Here's "Before your Love"....

"I wonder how I ever made it throught the day/

how did I settle for the world in shades of gray?/

when you go in circles all the scenery looks the same/

and I don't know why, but when I looked into your eyes/

the road stretched out in front of me and I realized.......

This song reminds me of my past relationships. mac laughed to herself. Every guy I've been with is either dead, murdered, or wishes he was. (according to Harm) Am I really THAT bad? Mac asked herself. It seemed like everything in her life had led her in giant circles and never got her anywhere......

"I never Lived before your love/

I never felt before your kiss/

I never needed anyone to make me feel alive/

but then again I wasn't really livin'/

I never lived...before your love......

Her thoughts were taken aback to the Admiral's porch on the night of her engagement Party. I couldn't believe what I was hearing when Harm implied he was in love with me....I tried to push him into saying it to me ...to say the words, but he couldn't. Knowing Harm loved me tore at me...there inside the Admiral's house was my fiance'e , the man I WAS to spend the rest of my life with, and there I was on the porch with the man I WANTED to spend the rest of my life with. 

"I wanted more than just an ordinary life/

all of my dreams seemed like castles in the sky/

I stand before you and my heart is in your hands/

and I don't know how ...I survived without your kiss/

cause you've given me a reason to exist.......

Wow..this song fits my life perfectly..Mac smiled to herself. It frightened her how Harm had such a hold on her, he could say the words and she'd be there .....no if's and's or but's.I'll never forget the feel of his lips on mine....during those few seconds, time seemd to stand still. It seemed so right....to be with him...to love him...the hardest thing I ever had to do was walk back through that door.

"I can't take this anymore...if only Harm knew how I felt"......with a renewed determination to set things straight between them, Mac made a turn in the right direction. 

10:55 P.M.

NORTH OF UNION STATION

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I can't belive I'm here. What if he's asleep? or better yet, what if Renee's with him? this was a mistake. "Pull it together Marine, you may not get the guts to do this again." she chided. 

Harm sat up in bed._was someone knocking on his door at this time of night? _he threw a sweatshirt on to go with his boxers and headed for the door. He opened it and there was ...Mac.

"Mac, what are you doing here?"

"I don't know...Harm, can I come in?"Mac smiled nervously.

"uhh.sure,sure. let me take your coat."

"thanks..I didn't wake you did I?"

"no"..Harm lied.

"Go have a seat on the couch and I'll bring you some coffee."

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I don't know WHY Mac's here...but I'm glad she is just the same. Harm thought to himself. She was wearing Jeans and a blue T-shirt , nothing fancy, but she still looked amazing. _but then again, when hadn't she looked that way?_

"here ya go." Harm said handing her the steaming mug before sitting down in the chair across from her."so..why are you here Mac? I mean, other than wanting to see me in my boxers? he said showing off that flyboy grin.

"Harm., I don't know what to say...."

"uh-oh.a marine doesn't know what to say? something really must be troubling you."

he said grinning with that all too familiar grin.

"okay..I'm just going to say it...in the best way that I can." Mac tried, choked with emotion. A tear slide down her cheek....she'd passed the point of no return....she had to go through with this....before the lifeline threatened to choke HER. Mac got up from the couch , walked a few steps to the window, crossed her arms against her chest and inhaled sharply before continuing.

"Harm, do u ever think of that night on the Admiral's porch?" she asked staring out the window, eyes closed with tears falling down her cheeks.

"Yes, Mac I do. I think about it alot." Harm gets up and Mac can feel his presence close behind her . 

Do you ever think about us??? Mac is now letting the tears fall shamelessly, trying not to breathe...for fear it will break the silence.

"More often than I should". Harm admitted.

"Harm....I felt something between us that night. when we kissed, I never wanted to stop. I wanted to stay in your arms forever and love you. and hold you....Mac says in a blur beginning to ramble., "I realize u don't feel the same way, after all, you have Renee and well, I just had to get that out ...I had to be true to my heart ...now that that's said and done , I ca.....mmmmmph. Harms lips came down on Mac's with strength . She was paralyzed for a seond before responding by wrapping her arm around his neck and drawing him farther towards her as the kiss deepened. His arms were around her holding her..something she'd always longer for. She loved him and he loved her, that was how it was always meant to be.


End file.
